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~dragontattooist

kate
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Enough is enough

Wed Jan 30, 2008, 7:09 AM
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Listening to: Lacuna coil - tight rope
  • Reading: Lords of the sky
  • Watching: American Dad
  • Playing: Star wars battlefront 2
This is going to be mainly a depression thing so people who arnt interested should not read this. I cant be doing with people reading about others depression and just telling them to "get over it" so if you feel like saying that to me after reading this, just walk away. I posted this in my tattooing journal since it is directly related to how Im feeling about tattooing right now.
For the past few weeks, and especailly the past few days, Ive felt a growing disquiet about something and its literally been today that my depression hit me full on. I should have seen it coming really since usually I can tell and do something about it. (for those that dont know, I was depressed years ago for a long time and it left me with weird moods and recurring depression, set of by stress)
First of all, I think its working two jobs 8 hours + a day for 6 days a week thats starting to wear me down. I love tattooing but it tires me out alot. the mental energy required is emourmous and then I have to go cleaning and dont get hom till 10pm.
Secondly, and this is the main thing, the past few tattoos Ive done, people havent been happy with. I have done exactly what they wanted, exactly how they asked but its not good enough. One customer told me it "looked a bit naff".
What am I supposed to do? These past few days have really made me question my ability as a tattooist and an artist. I know Im not great, I never will be and now I am wondering..........I dont know what I am wondering. All I want to do is give people tattoos and for them to love them, but I cant do it.
There are so many people out there, better tattooists and better artists and I just dont think I am good enough. After spending two hours on a tiger tattoo today, just to be told "yeah...thanks" I walked home in tears. How can I be better than I am? Like i said before, I know Im a poor artist so I keep trying harder and harder but I just cant get better. Its just not possible! I tried a critique forum for my art and I either got ignored or blasted.
Ive had enough. I cast my runes and got Agiz, rune of protection, basically an emotional rune. I need to learn from this and carry on, looking towards the future, but now I feel like just going to bed and not getting up in the morning. Sorry about all this and I hope something happens soon to cheer me up.

11 Comments

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~Almiras:iconAlmiras: Jan 30, 2008, 8:35:49 AM
Sorry to hear that some people arent being very appriciate if your work on their tattoos. But I cant only imagine how much concertration is involved... I feel pretty drained after just drawing one picture ^_^;; (on paper).

The best way to tap into an ability is to focus on it, however as you say you have that cleaning job. Is there anyway you can become a full time tattooist in the near future and just quit the cleaning job? I say this because then all your focus and energy can be put into tattooing :) not only do you enjoy it but the more you do something the better you get at it.

Also - some people that get tattoos probably dont relise the amount of energy that goes into it from your part... all they gotta do is say what they want and just sit there for however many mins/hours it takes. And with the pain and all, Im sure some of them dont "think" sometimes and just wanna get outta there after sitting there for a while with the needle an all.

Ive allways thought you were a great varied artist because of your style. :D Youve got a gift, never give up on it.
~dragontattooist:icondragontattooist: Jan 30, 2008, 9:10:47 AM
:hug: thanks almiras.
And yes, I'll be handing in my notice at cleaning as soon as the mortage comes though (about 3 weeks then I only have a months notice to work!)
And good point with the pain thing and people wanting to go straight away. I never thought about that before >.>
:glomp: I feel a little better now :)
~liamjmccormack:iconliamjmccormack: Jan 30, 2008, 11:41:25 AM
hey chicken! yeh u seemed rather bummed out 2day,i wulda hada lil chat about it but i thought it best 2leave ya alone seein as i dont know u all that well yet,i dnt think its all down to the tattooing tho,i meen...ur working 2 jobs at once,and the concentration and effort that goes into your artwork is draining enough,without having to go cleaning afterwards! i dont think any1 could do all that and maintain a posative outlook! as for giving people beatuful tattoos that they love,you do! ive seen ur artwork and watched u tattoo and your work is amazing! ur customers are getting quality artwork weather they realise it or not,work they wouldnt be able to get done at any bog-standard studio,but i know what ur saying,its disheartening when u put all ur effort and passion into a tattoo and the customer just grunts or shrugs and is like ''yeh thanx'' and throws the money at u,u feel like giving them a texas chilibowl (tobasco sauce and a barbed-wire in their anus) :-) i reckon were always gonna get dicksniffers like that ,people that just dont apreciate how difficult it is to tattoo,but dont let it throw u cos u have some serious tallent! i know it and paul deffs knows it,he speaks very highly of ur work ya kno,hes been in the game for years and knows tallent when he see's it,so keep ya head held high chicken,cos u ARE very much apreciated :-) cya friday xx
~dragontattooist:icondragontattooist: Jan 30, 2008, 3:43:15 PM
Thanks liam, that means alot coming from another (great) artist. I might have a chat on fri if you like. Cu then :)
~saarunna:iconsaarunna: Jan 31, 2008, 2:41:32 AM
hello:hug: !i've suffered from depression some years ago and totally understand the "sinking" again when you're too tired to even go to the bathroom..been through sth like that recently,when i was fired.. i learned one thing though,from the whole depression thing.it just waits for the moment when you are tired and fragile to trick you into thinking all of those things..my friend,do give yourself some time to rest..i know things are difficult nowadays,many of us need to do even 3 works at some periods to make our lives better..
i have friends tatoo artists and i know how tiring is this job..but it is sth you love so much!i believe that when you will be ready to do it as a full time job,you will be much much better in it!!some people don't even know why they wanna get tatooed so don't expect them to appreciate your art..

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*lalalalalalalalalalala*
~dragontattooist:icondragontattooist: Jan 31, 2008, 7:16:55 AM
Thanks m'dear. Glad you understand :glomp:
~saarunna:iconsaarunna: Jan 31, 2008, 2:26:11 PM
:D

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*lalalalalalalalalalala*
~h4rl3qu1n:iconh4rl3qu1n: Feb 10, 2008, 2:36:30 PM
Hey Kate.
Sounds like your doing too much, spreading yourself too thin. I recently dumped my damned well paid job so that I could concentrate fully on tattooing. It seemed to me that I needed to devote myself to it fully so that I could give everyone who asked me to tattoo them, my full attention. I have fucked up a few (in my eyes) so I'm honor bound to fix them, at no extra cost (see the lightning in my gallery).
Hope it all pans out for you. ;) good luck hun.

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:fellarectum: Don't blow smoke up my arse ... say it as it is :fellarectum:

:fellarectum: I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn :fellarectum:
~dragontattooist:icondragontattooist: Feb 10, 2008, 3:44:57 PM
I know I am working too hard but right now, I have no other choice. I would love to quit my very low paid cleaning job but we just applied for a mortage and they want 3 years of acounts, which I dont have, for my tattooing job >.> So im witing till the motgage comes through and then I'll quit the NHS :dance:
Thanks, I took a quick look at your gallery, looks nice!
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